Category Archives: Testimony

All I Desire…

Insights, Worship, Personal, Ministry, Music, Testimony
Whom have I in Heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you
– Psalm 73:25

A long time ago, I was a worship leader who played in meetings and services week after week, month after month. Until, of course I burned out! Many of my readers will know of my Dark Night of the Soul, when I left behind me all things Church for fifteen years. And on each occasion that I burned out, I came closer and closer to never going back into leading – or even into Church; each time, that Dark Night beckoned. Eventually, it turned out to be exactly what I needed, but on this particular occasion the ‘only’ real thing was that I never wanted to ever hear again any of the Songs of Heaven.

Except for this one. ‘All I Desire’, from the Hosanna! Music album ‘Almighty‘. Despite everything, this one song just played over and over again in my spirit – and I didn’t mind, despite it being a Song of Heaven:

‘Oh Lord, my God, all I desire is You’.

And, you know, that was exactly what the Spirit was speaking to my heart at that time. I needed to put aside all the works, all the leading, all the action, all the ‘being indispensible’, and just concentrate on my heart’s Desire – all I really needed was Him. So, in His usual complete genius, He gave me the one song that could save my sanity, by putting my focus back on the One to Whom I owe everything. 

As usual, it had taken a big crash for me to learn my lesson – if indeed I did. But anyway, here is the song. If you’re blown away by life’s pressures, or especially by ministry pressures, remember your first Love; remember that He is all you really desire, and that all the resulting works and deeds flow from Him and back to Him. Let it be effortless. let it flow from your life in the Spirit, and not from any compulsion.

Hold your ‘ministry’ lightly;
but hold on to Him tightly

(I can’t believe I just wrote that, and I apologise. Too trite for my normal style, and I don’t like ‘Christian catch-phrases’ – but I feel perhaps it’s there for for someone!) 😉

So here it is: ‘All I Desire’, written and led by Rich Gomez.

Sing it. Mean it.

O Lord, my God
All I desire is You
O Lord, my God
All I desire is You

More precious than silver
More costly than gold
No riches on the earth
compare with You

And what can this world offer
when all I desire is You

– Rich Gomez, 1992

My Testimony

Personal, Testimony

Just to let you know, I’ve just finished my ‘testimony’ page – the story of my Christian walk so far. It’s very long so you may fall asleep while reading it – you have been warned!

To visit the page, either hover your mouse over the ‘About This Site’ and find the page ‘My Testimony’ in the drop-down menu, or click this link.

Broken Hallelujah

Insights, Others' stuff, Personal, Ministry, Music, Testimony

Sometimes, you can be at absolute rock bottom. Everything is mounting up against you  and one thing piles on top of another. Trouble after trouble, affliction after affliction, and there seems to be no end to it in sight.

You’ve likely been told at some point in your Christian walk that the way to drag yourself up by your bootlaces, as it were, is to ‘praise the Lord’ and everything will be OK. You’ll feel better soon.

But of course this isn’t what happens, because the circumstances are still there. You’ve declared your victory over the problems in Jesus’s Name, but still the problems are there. You pray for the Kingdom power that you have been granted; you pray for it to apply in your situation and bring the breakthrough that is so sorely needed. And still the troubles keep piling up and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, not even an oncoming express train.

Can I say this with all sensitivity – because I too am in that dark tunnel as I write this – the ‘valley of the shadow of death’, as the Psalmist describes it – but actually praising God and declaring your trust in Him really is the way forward. You might not feel any different, but you are still consciously bringing Him into the equation. You are making the conscious decision to declare Him as Lord, no matter how you feel.

And, for some reason, this type of praise is so precious to God. He is right there with you in your suffering, and He delights in hearing your trust being expressed. Years ago, one Saturday morning, Fiona and I had to make the heartbreaking trip to the vet’s to have our precious German Shepherd dog, Jasper, put to sleep. The next morning, I was due to lead the main worship meeting at Church, from the front, and everyone would be looking to me for the lead. I decided that I would go for it. That worship time, from the midst of my grief, was one of the most precious I have ever led. God’s Presence was right there, for us and for our congregation.

I don’t know how that worked. I don’t know why that worked. And I don’t know why these horrible things happen to people despite God being Good, all the time.

But let’s just acknowledge this: In the raw suffering, where every step is pain, God is there. He knows what it feels like. He can empathise with you, because He’s been there before. He will continue to be your Rock, even when it seems like your feet are sinking in the waters of the oceans of despair.

Here’s a beautiful song by Mandisa, called ‘Broken Hallelujah’ which expresses this perfectly. If you’re in a dark place today, join with me and Mandisa in expressing your trust by letting Him have your ‘Hallelujah’ – the Hebrew word for ‘Praise the Lord’ – no matter how broken it might be.

And, somehow, this brings God’s power into your situation. I don’t know how He does it, but He does. You might not feel any different. But the power of praise is not to be underestimated, and at the very least it will take your eyes off the circumstances and lift them to Him, even for a short while, and give you maybe a better perspective on how He’s still in charge – because, make no mistake – He is still in charge. And, in the past, He’s always come up with the best possible solutions at the best possible time – and He’s not going to change now.

And I’m going to continue to give Him my broken hallelujahs. Because they are the best I’ve got.

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more
Yet I trust in this moment You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful so Lord even now

When all that I can sing is a broken Hallelujah
When my only offering is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise is a broken Hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
on me at every turn
How could I doubt Your goodness,
Your wisdom, Your grace
Oh Lord hear my heart in this painful place

When all that I can sing is a broken Hallelujah
When my only offering is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise is a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I lift my voice
Your spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You

‘Cause all that I can sing is a broken Hallelujah
And my only offering is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise is a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Lost in Your Love

Worship, Ministry, Testimony

A few weeks ago, Fiona and I went to a meeting at my dear friend’s School of Supernatural Ministry here in Devon. At the start of the meeting, there was of course worship: the saints lifting up the name of Jesus and drawing near into His presence. We were slightly late and the worship had already begun – and it was like walking straight into the Throne Room of God. His glory was there with such weight, was so tangible, that we were straight into His awesome Presence. Fiona and I have always found it easy to ‘tune in’ to God in our worship; basically we can go straight into worship at just about any time, but this really was something special.

It was one of those worship sessions where the very first thing you do is to fall at His feet in awe of His Majesty. And yet, you know you are welcome there, because He loves us and thinks it’s ace when His kids come to worship Him. The Presence of God is not a threatening Presence, it’s a welcoming Presence, a Loving Presence, a Healing Presence. Huge and overwhelming, but utterly peaceful and utterly beautiful.

At times like this, there is no consciousness of the passage of time, no inclination to stop, no boredom or desire to leave. It’s just Jesus, Jesus, Jesus all the way. Lost in His Love. Conscious of little else but His Presence. When all things that surround become shadows.

And then it happened again, just last Sunday, when Fiona and I were at a healing meeting in Bridgend, South Wales. Again, the Presence of God. Again, His healing Hand at work. I was shaking with His power; I just couldn’t stop it. Simply indescribable. You can’t fake God’s Presence; there is simply no substitute. It’s not music, it’s not singing, its just that He honours us with His Presence. Anything less is simply worthless.

I wish there was a better way to explain, but unless you have been in God’s Presence yourself, there’s just no way I can describe it. Sometimes it seems as if the air itself is sparkling with what is known as the Shekhinah glory of God in the room – sometimes it appears that the air becomes slightly cloudy; sometimes, as I said, it sparkles. And the strong feeling of the Presence of God in the place is unmistakable and indescribable too.

There is simply nothing else that can compare with being in God’s Presence. I would like to encourage you to seek Him earnestly and draw near with faith, into His Presence!

Here is a lovely song, ‘I want to sing until I am lost in Your Love‘, by Malcolm DuPlessis, which reflects this idea of being ‘lost’ in God’s Presence and Love; please feel free to join in…..enter into God’s Presence today.

I want to sing until I am lost in Your Love
Till I am found in Your presence
Worshipping before Your throne.

Filled with Your Spirit
Entering into Your flow,
How precious these moments,
Lord, I want You to know.

It’s You, You who have won my heart,
Taken me into Your arms,
Comforted me like a friend.
Your love surrounded me from the start
I never want to be apart from You ever again.

‘I want to sing until I am lost In Your Love’ can be found on the tape ‘Celebrate!‘ on my website Vintage Worship Tapes

Precious Child

Worship, Personal, Ministry, Music, Testimony

Just wanted to share this testimony with you today.

In June 1989, the morning after my youngest son was born, I was somewhat tired – as you can imagine! I phoned in to work to ask my boss if I could have the day off, and he was pretty nasty about it, but did – grudgingly – indeed give me the day off. I guess he knew there wasn’t much he could do about it; I wasn’t in any fit state to go in. Somewhat demoralising, eh? – and what a spoiler; what a thing to do to someone who’s just had a child arrive in the family!

But as I was cleaning my teeth that morning, the Lord spoke something so clearly to my heart. He said to me, ‘Son, it doesn’t matter what they think – you’re My child’. It came right out of nowhere; I wasn’t thinking particularly God thoughts nor was I feeling particularly spiritual. But nevertheless, God spoke to me.

And that truth that He gave me that day has never left me, not even through my wilderness years. It has changed my life completely. I have never, ever had the slightest doubt that I am a child of God, just as described in John 1:12, “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God“. Wow!

And then a couple of months later, I heard the song ‘Precious Child‘, by Andy Park. And it hit home so forcefully that again I have never been able to listen to it without being reminded of God’s words to me on that morning – such was the power of the initial revelation.

In fact, I have to confess that, although I have sung (as in ‘performed’) the song many times as a solo when leading worship, I have never once led a congregation in singing it. It was such a special song to me that I didn’t want anyone else messing it up, I suppose! But now I’m ‘releasing’ it for others’ blessing.

Here then is the song and its lyrics. Make it your own. Ask God to reveal to your heart, like He did to mine, how much He loves you, His precious child!

Show me, dear Lord, how You see me through Your eyes
So that I can realize Your great love for me
Teach me, O Lord, that I am precious in Your sight
That as a father loves his child, so You love me.

I am Yours, because You have chosen me
I’m Your child, because You’ve called my name
And Your steadfast love will never change
I will always be Your precious child

Show me, dear Lord, that I can never earn Your love
That a gift cannot be earned, only given
Teach me, O Lord, that Your love will never fade
That I can never drive away Your great mercy

I am Yours, because You have chosen me
I’m Your child, because You’ve called my name
And Your steadfast love will never change
I will always be Your precious child

So, there we are. Precious Child. A precious song sharing a precious truth. I hope it blesses you and leads you too into that truth.

The Promise’s Fulfilment

Insights, Personal, Prophecy, Testimony

Today I want to talk a little about God’s promises, both in a general sense, and in a specific sense – that is, how they apply to you.

The Old Testament promises of the advent of the Messiah/Christ are well-known: the Daniel 7:13 prophecy and the Isaiah 7:14 verse, “Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel“; and Isaiah 9:6, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace“, being good examples.

The promise of the Holy Spirit in Joel 2:28 – “It will come about after this that I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind; and your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on the male and female servants I will pour out My Spirit in those days” and in Acts 1:8, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and … to the ends of the earth”

These promises happened. And once they had happened, nothing would ever be the same again. Once Jesus the Christ had come, it was historical fact – and nothing could undo it. Once the Spirit had been given at Pentecost, that was it. The Spirit had come, and nothing would ever be the same again. Once something which has been prophesied has actually happened, it becomes an historical fact – and it is now part of history.

I’m saying this to encourage you, because if God has spoken a promise to you, either from the Bible, through another believer, or even simply directly into your spirit, then it will happen. But it will happen in God’s time. In Daniel 8:26, it says, “The vision…that has been given you is true, but seal up the vision, for it concerns the distant future.” You see what I mean? God’s promise to you is true, and even though it hasn’t happened yet it is still true even though it’s in the future. For Daniel, the promise would not be fulfilled in anything like his lifetime. Some of it hasn’t happened even now. But for you (since it’s quite likely that your promise is not related to distant, end-time apocalyptic events, as Daniel’s was!), the promise will be fulfilled in your life – in God’s good timing. And in the way He wants to do it; all you need do is be patient!

But, of course, until the promise actually happens, it will appear as if nothing has changed. Because, of course, from our point of view nothing has changed – except that you have the promise. But as I keep saying, once the promise happens, nothing will ever be the same again.

The promise could come true for you in a split second, or it could take time to get to you. Nobody knows the time or the minute – but yet suddenly everything changes, and nothing will ever be the same again, once that promise happens. For example, some years ago I had my gallbladder out. Until that offending bit of kit had been removed, I would be prone to gallbladder attacks. But once the operation had been performed, nothing would ever be the same again – the bladder was gone and that was it. Fait accompli. And now that is an historical fact, and I never need to think about it hurting me ever again.

And in June last year, I received a totally unexpected healing. I’d was in the middle of processing some music tracks and all of a sudden, God started doing something in my spirit. I got Fiona to pray with me and I was in floods of tears, followed by the usual uncontrollable Holy Spirit giggles that usually follow when I’ve received a deep healing from God. And, although I can’t really tell you what the healing was about (because it’s too personal), I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am healed from that particular affliction – the fruit of it has been seen regularly in my life and my son even said, “What’s happened to Dad??” and took photos proving what had happened. Those of you who know me well will know what I’m talking about…but the thing is that I did not expect that to happen; it came completely out of the blue – but now nothing will ever be the same again in that area of my life. Once a healing – whether supernatural or medical – happens, nothing will ever be the same again, because it’s now an historical fact. It actually happened. And it’s like that with God’s promises; once fulfilled, they are real, but also because He has promised, somehow they’re already real because it’s God Who said it.

Now I’m not suggesting you simply read a random Bible verse and claim it as a promise; I believe that usually God has to speak something to you in order that you can own it for yourself. But there are exceptions, as we have seen in that example of my healing described above, and the thing is that the Bible is full of good promises of God that I believe all we have to do is simply to get hold of, in order for them to apply to us. Hosea 4:6 says, “My people perish through lack of knowledge“, and I believe it is vital to get hold of an important key to accessing God’s promises – the knowledge that we need in order to avoid missing out on what God has for us.

As you might already have guessed, that key is found in Jesus. The promises of God, especially those in the Old Testament, are often ‘conditional’, in that it looks as if we have to fulfil certain ‘criteria’ before we can access the benefits of the promises. For example, Exodus 15:26 says, “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any … diseases … for I am the Lord, who heals you”. So the condition for this healing is that we obey everything God has commanded us. Everything! But whom do you know who can claim to obey the Law in all cases? Nobody! Nobody is that perfect! So, the promise appears inaccessible to us.

But it says in 2 Corinthians 1:20, “For all the promises of God in Him are yea [yes], and in Him Amen, unto the glory of God by us”  [King James Version]. All God’s promises to us are Yes – in Jesus! Jesus has already done the perfect obeying of the Law, on our behalf. So all the promises of God in all of Scripture are YES in Him. This means that you can claim all the good things that God has for you, all the great promises of Scripture, because in Jesus ALL of God’s promises to you are ‘Yes’, and ‘Amen’!

Now isn’t that good news? All God’s promises to you are ‘Yes’ and ‘Amen’, His promises always come true, and once it’s happened, nothing will ever be the same again.

Wow!

 

A Picnic with Jesus

Insights, Personal, Ministry, Testimony

This is a personal testimony about the healing grace of Jesus in my own life.

Earlier this week, I went for a Picnic with Jesus.

Why? Well, as my regular readers will know, I really get tired of religious people making God look nasty, by their attitudes towards ‘unbelievers’. I have put in a lot of time on various religious forums, trying to reassure desperate and hurting people that actually God does love them, He accepts them exactly as they are, and that following Jesus is not about carrying a huge burden of religion, but instead is about walking with Him. Pure and simple.

Much of this, of course, has been done under heavy fire from various people on those forums who have some serious religious problems, who also carry the need to inflict those problems on others too – just as happened to Jesus when He did the same thing. These people are of course the modern-day Pharisees.

Anyway, the long and the short of it – and I will not go into further detail here – is that I have taken a lot of soul damage from these battles. Even though I distance myself from these people, and although I (admittedly somewhat grudgingly!) call them brothers in the sense that we all have the same Father, still the overt nastiness of these fellow believers is hurtful and eventually erodes at my peace.

And so I have decided to take a break from the big forums, and instead concentrate on writing wholesome stuff on my own blog.

And aside from that, I also needed healing from all that damage. And as I felt I needed a lot of support from Father God because of having to cope with my wife’s illness, and all the pain that causes, it was with a heavy but hopeful heart that I decided to go for a Picnic with Jesus.

I packed up my flask and lunch box and headed for the hills, literally. I am fortunate in having a Nissan X-Trail car which, although of course fitted with standard road tyres, is still pretty capable on unmade roads and, indeed, off the road entirely. So I found an isolated track a couple of miles from my house, followed it, and parked in a field in the middle of nowhere. On a hill. In the rain and mud, but in the solitude we needed for our picnic. I say ‘we’, because Jesus was there. Right there in the car with me.

Part of the damage I had taken in the forums was that I had almost lost my appreciation of the Bible as the Word of God. I have always called it the Word of God; however actually Jesus Himself is of course the Word of God, and the Bible is naturally one of the primary ways that God spoke to me, but because it had been misused as a weapon against me and others, I had drawn away from it because it had somehow been tainted by the interactions I had had with these Pharisee people. I’m going to expand more on the apparent tension between the Bible being the Word of God vs. Jesus being the Word of God in a later post. But for now, let’s just accept that this was some of the damage I had taken.

So, we arrived in our field and I started talking with Him. I had a prayer time for a while and then Jesus pointed me to certain Scriptures in the Old Testament (OT), and began to speak to me through them. Interesting how He did that first, because in actuality the OT was the part of Scripture I’d had the most problems with from the Pharisees’ bombardments. So He proceeded to speak to me through two or three OT Scriptures… then He led me on a tour of various New Testament (NT) Scriptures. He reminded me, gently and patiently, that He still speaks through the Bible, and that when it’s He Who is speaking through a certain passage, that is the time when it becomes the Word of God. Revolutionary teaching from the Master Himself. And the words He gave me were words of encouragement, hope and faith. How do I know it was Jesus speaking? Because without Him, the Bible is just another book. He made those passages come alive and I recognised His Voice speaking to me.  The Bible is the Word of God – but Holy Spirit needs to speak it to us for it to become real to us.

And then we had lunch together.

After that, I had another prayer time where Jesus told me some more stuff which was really encouraging. It’s personal, but it’s important to share here that He told me more, because this was not from any Scripture. It was Jesus speaking directly to me in my spirit – the distinction is important because the believer should expect to hear personally from Jesus in this way if indeed He is alive and living in us by His Spirit. This should come as no surprise!

And then we fired up the 4×4 and got out of the field and came home. Something like four hours alone in a field with Jesus, during which time He healed my broken soul, taught me much I didn’t know, reminded me of much I had forgotten, and just spent time with me.

My lovely wife told me that I looked different when I came home. I think He’d done a deep work.

Thank You, Jesus, for coming on that picnic with me. I loved spending that time with you.

We’ll have to do it again sometime really soon….