All posts by Tony

The Sound of Heaven

Worship, Personal, Music

A Gorgeous Worship Medley

For all my misgivings about Evangelicalism, I have no such misgivings about Jesus. He’s my Lord, my Saviour, my King and my Best Friend. And He’s worthy of all praise and worship. I look forward to worshipping Him face-to-face in Heaven, but, for now, I’ll have to make do with the limited tools I have, including my voice, my less-than-perfect instrumental skills (piano and guitar) and, most important of all, my spirit within me that works with the Holy Spirit in my heart to enable me to worship Jesus in spirit and truth.

There’s no place I’d rather be than worshipping at His feet.

Many progressive Christians debate whether or not Jesus should be worshipped, whether He demands it, whether He asked for it on Earth or whatever.

Well, I don’t care about all that. When I feel the rising up of the spirit of worship in my heart, I can’t and wouldn’t even try to contain it. And so out comes the worship!

Fiona and I used to have worship tapes on all the time. One of our favourites was the Christ for the Nations tape, ‘Lift Up His Banner’ (as it was called here in the UK) and the link for the music on that tape is here, if you’d like to download it.

I used to take that tape with me to work and, during my morning coffee break, I would go up to a private room in my Department and sit and pray and worship. My favourite thing was to play (and worship along to) the set of three tracks at the end of the first side of the tape: You are Lord of Heaven, My Soul Followeth Hard after Thee, and Come, Let’s Worship, which segued[1] together and work really well[2].

And so, I wanted to share that set with you here. If you like, play the track below (which includes all three songs) and see what happens 😊😉You may be pleasantly surprised![3] Lyrics are included below in case you want to join in!

You are Lord of Heaven (And Lord of Earth)
You are Lord of Creation (The Universe)
The Earth is the Lord’s and the fulness thereof
Your mercy is without end
Your power without measure
And holiness establisheth Your Throne

My Soul followeth hard after Thee
Early in the morning I will rise up and seek Thee
And because Thou hast been my help
In the shadow of Thy wings shall I rejoice, rejoice, rejoice

Come, let’s worship!
Let’s glorify Him!
Come, let’s give to Him all our praise
For it’s what He deserves
Come let’s sing to him
The song that is in our hearts
Let His glory be seen throughout all the Earth

Footnotes

Footnotes
⇧1 Segue is a musical term meaning having one song following into the next in order to maintain the flow. It’s pronounced ‘Seg-way’, not ‘Seeg’.
⇧2 I hope that room at work was soundproof. But I suspect it wasn’t…. 😊🤣
⇧3 Yes, I know that Christ for the Nations are a pretty-much solid Evangelical church, many of whose doctrines you might not agree with any more. But a) boy could they worship, and b) in any event, any worship that comes up out of your heart is yours, not theirs!

What is Wrong With You??

Insights
This entry is part 41 of 41 in the series The Problems of Evangelicalism

As my regular readers know, I don’t do politics on my blog. To be honest, I don’t do politics at all; my status is yes, a UK citizen, but I am first and foremost a Child of God; a Citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven. I have written on this before, and I still hold that position.

What I do do, though, is to write about the Problems of Evangelicalism – not from a political angle, but from the angle of like here are these people (those calling themselves Evangelical Christians) who say they believe in, and follow, Jesus of Nazareth. And they also believe in, and follow the Rules in, the Bible. That’s what they would claim.

However, their actions; their way of life, their attitudes, all that sort of thing, deny that claim. In this series, we have considered many real-life examples of spiritual abuse, harmful doctrines and practices, co-opting of Jesus into a false cause and indeed piracy of the term ‘Christian’, fake religion, and all manner of other things that denigrate Jesus to the people ‘of the world’.

I have to say, though, that American Evangelical Christianity, with its apparent marriage to the dreadful concept of Christian Nationalism, is far and away the worst witness of all. You can combine all the other horrible things I have described in this series, and that sum total of horror and abuse comes nowhere near what American Evangelical Christianity has done.

Again, without being political – if the current incumbent of the Oval Office was a Democrat rather than the Republican that he is, I would still make these comments – how the actual can American Evangelicalism get behind the reprehensible character that now presides over the United States? Just, like, how?? I mean, I know he’s not entirely bad; he has done some good things, and I know I’ll get flak from some of my friends and family just for writing that. And I know there are stories (whether true or not, I don’t know) about his compassion and kindness towards his employees and other people. That, and his policies and politics is not what I am talking about here.

But the fact of the matter is that this man has criminal convictions, and even just on the strength of comments he himself has made; things he himself has said, should in and of themselves mean that Evangelicals should not approve of him in any way, especially if they think of him as ‘God’s Chosen One’, which indeed some of them do. All the Biblical lists of qualifications for leadership, which sum up basically as being a person of good character, should be the standard to which these people compare him.

But they don’t; they ignore the very passages that they claim are ‘God’s Word’ and therefore inviolable – except when it suits them. They try to justify that acceptance by saying things like ‘No-one’s perfect’, or ‘King David did bad things too but God used him, didn’t He?’, or even claim that those passages refer to qualifications for Christian leadership, not national leadership. But shouldn’t the standard be even higher for a bloke who has his finger on The Button? A man who is the President of the most powerful nation on Earth? Should there not be some sort of minimum standard of character, at least in the eyes of Christians, that should apply to such a man?

I tell you, I despair for these people. Their hypocrisy is beyond staggering. And it is also completely unsurprising. If they do not apply their claimed high moral standards to themselves – always to others, so they can judge them, but not to themselves; not ever – then how much more will they not apply those standards to their Leader[1] who has become the figurehead of a real cult following? These Evangelicals are the ultimate in Bad Witness, against which all my other claims of such a Bad Witness pale into nothingness.

But hey, I’m a Brit. I’m not involved in either American politics or Religion, except insofar as it affects me. Especially the Religion part, because Evangelicals here in the UK copy American Evangelicals shamelessly in their doctrines and ideas[2]. But of course I see it, because my sensors are finely tuned to spotting hypocrisy and terrible logic: I see the badness, the rot, that has infested American Evangelicalism even more than it has infested British Evangelicalism. Like all types of rot, it is caused by a ‘microorganism’ (in this case a metaphorical one!) called the Yeast of the Sadducees. Related to the Yeast of the Pharisees, which attempts to influence believers into currying favour with God by following Religious rules, the Yeast of the Sadducees allows unclean human attitudes, policies and methods to infect believers with the belief that somehow the Kingdom of God can actually be influenced by the kingdom of this world. However, Jesus explicitly said that His Kingdom was not of this world (John 18:36), and He meant it – especially as He sealed that claim, amongst others, by being executed in disgrace on the Cross not long afterwards. And so all attempts to affect the Kingdom of God by influencing things in this world are ultimately vain and pointless.

I think it’s time I let a real American make a comment. Here’s the SubStack blog from Holy Heretics, posted on 30th September 2026. Read the whole thing (if you can manage it after having read my extended diatribe!) and you’ll find it incisive, generally accurate[3] and leaving you wondering just why the (literal) hell these people are doing what they are doing while still claiming to be Christians. It boggles my mind, that’s for sure:

New PRRI[4] research reports up to 85% of white evangelicals voted for Trump in 2024, with 69% of white evangelicals currently approving of Trump’s presidency leading into the mid-terms.

But the research reveals something far more sinister:

• White evangelicals continue to stand out as Trump’s strongest religious demographic support base.

• Regular churchgoers within the evangelical community display higher approval metrics than sporadic attendees.

That last line should make you weep.

“Regular evangelical churchgoers” display higher approval metrics for an adjudicated rapist, a serial predator, a man accused by over 30 women of SA, a man who bragged about “grabbing women by the pu$$y,” a man who said he’d like to date his daughter, a man who committed adultery on his porn star wife with another porn star, and a man mentioned over 1 million times in the largest global pedophilia ring in human history.

I don’t have room to mention all his other crimes, including unleashing masked thugs to murder American citizens, the illegal capture and deportation of our Hispanic neighbors, his unmitigated corruption, his daily lies, his hatred of women. The list could fill libraries.

So, my question to my evangelical friends and family isn’t why you voted for a serial predator and rapist, most of us understand that evangelicalism is nothing more than the Republican Party platform in religious drag. My questions are more simple:

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with your religious community?

Why wasn’t rape the deal-breaker for you?

Why didn’t you turn your back on this man when he admitted to SA?

Why didn’t you call for his impeachment when he paid hush money to a porn star?

Why are you still silent?

What is wrong with you?

How have you been so malformed by hatred, lies, propaganda, white nationalism, and a deep-seated hatred of women?

Is it your theology, your pastors, your patriarchy, your willful ignorance?

Why do you support a man who is the very antithesis of Jesus?

I will ask again, what is wrong with your theology, your spirituality, your formation, your education, your family structures, and your communities that allow you to joyfully support a man as vile and wicked as Donald Trump? And why you alone?

What in particular, is wrong with evangelical Christianity that makes you among everyone else, the MOST SUSCEPTIBLE to one of the most malignant, satanic public figures in human history?

Historians will ask these questions for centuries.

Nobody is asking you to become a Democrat. We are asking you to become Christ-like, for once.

Before you scroll past, let me offer something to you as someone who used to be you.

One of the hardest things about changing your mind isn’t discovering that you were wrong, or that you believed so many lies. It’s discovering what being wrong might cost you in terms of identity, community, belonging, and your life’s story.

Sometimes changing your mind means admitting that someone you trusted was wrong. Sometimes it means admitting that the community that taught you what was true got some things deeply wrong. Sometimes it means questioning the people you love, the church you grew up in, the political identity you’ve carried for decades, your family of origin, or the story you’ve built your life around.

And sometimes the price of changing your mind is belonging itself.

Because what you realize when you finally have the courage to ask hard questions is that most of your “friends” aren’t actually friends at all, because the minute you start asking questions about your group is the minute you are kicked out of the group. The very minute friends start distancing themselves, family stops calling, and the side-texts about you start flowing.

That’s where something like identity-protective cognition becomes so powerful.

The question quietly shifts from: “Is this true? ”to “What happens to me if I admit this is true?”

Because if changing your mind means becoming the person who no longer fits comfortably at the dinner table, in the church, in the family, in the friend group, or in the political tribe, admitting you’re wrong can feel less like intellectual honesty and more like losing your entire belonging.

I know. Many of you have done that to me over the last ten years, and it really, really hurts.

But there is freedom and honesty and truth and recovery on the other side of this.

I’m afraid most will never have the courage to take that first step. But you won’t be alone. Millions of us have done it and are doing it.

The real test of intellectual and spiritual maturity may not be whether we are willing to defend what we were once taught. It may be whether we are willing to count the cost for choosing truth, beauty, love and compassion over lies, banality, hatred, and fear.

Wow. Like I said, this isn’t about politics, it’s about the Evangelicals not applying the same standards to their President that they do to anyone else who they choose to. That’s what this is about; the hypocrisy of Evangelicals – just the same as the hypocrisy of the chief priests in John 19:15:

“We have no king but Caesar!”

Think about it.

Here is the link to the original article

Comments have been disabled for this post

 

Footnotes

Footnotes
⇧1 The President. My use of the term ‘The Leader’ is a significant term which may mean something to my more educated readers!
⇧2 They call it cross-fertilisation; I call it cross-contamination, but that’s neither here nor there.
⇧3 Although the claim about his being mentioned a million times in the Epstein Files, well I don’t know how they’d determined that; have they counted? Was it a rough guess? (more likely!) No-one has seen the unredacted files in their entirety, there’s simply too much material!
⇧4 Public Religion Research Institute

The Real Testimony

Insights, Others' stuff
A short thought inspired by my friend Darren…

The other day, my friend Darren posted this on Facebook:

”If you ever feel the need to exaggerate your testimony, or exaggerate what God has done for you in order to bring Him glory, you need to question whether it was Him or you in the first place! Do you really want the reality of God or are you happy to continue exaggerating? Jer 29:13…

My reply was this:

Agreed. I also recall the painful times in our old Youth Group back in the early 80’s, when they went round the circle asking each person for a testimony. I never thought that was right because that pressured people into making things up. Most of the time, my testimony would have been something like, ‘God’s doing a deep work in me but I can’t describe it’, which wouldn’t have gone down too well! And sometimes, just the miraculous Presence of God in my life all the time was a constant and so I didn’t really see anything particularly noteworthy of testimony because for me that was the norm. Nowadays, of course, I would not testify publicly – well, except in my blog – because nowadays the reception has shifted to the sad reality that most Evangelical Christians feel the need to challenge everything and try to prove it’s not of God or something. Judging when a testimony would only be ‘pearls before swine’ is an acquired skill! 😁

Beyond the Litmus Test

Insights, Others' stuff
This entry is part 40 of 41 in the series The Problems of Evangelicalism
Puissant, male-dominated Evangelicalism, and reasons why it’s like that!

I’ve written before about how one of this things I’d love to see disappear from the Church is the prevalence of puissant (pushy) male-dominated leadership and all its consequent abuses.

That deeply-embedded, yes, sickness, is one of the main reasons why I use my Litmus Test, in order to ascertain how ‘safe’ a church is before I will consider attending services there.

And, like me in that post referenced above, the brilliant Chris Kratzer has also articulated that point, along with some other points of nastiness that modern-day Evangelicalism displays. And so I wanted to share what he wrote, because he really does have a way with words:

Most Christians never grow beyond their usefulness to religious, powerful men.
In fact, Christianity became Christianity because of its usefulness to the Empire. Spiritualizing male-driven power has and will always be big business.

In Christianity, and even in many progressive versions today, every decision, design, interpretation, and implementation is evaluated ultimately by its usefulness, support, and preservation of male-driven power.

That’s why, in truth, the Christian discrimination against women isn’t about honoring some definitive gender design by God, but rather about protecting absolute male-driven power.
In the same way, the Christian condemnation of queer people isn’t about calling “sinners” to repentance or God’s “design” for sexuality, it’s about protecting male-driven power. There are faithful, biblical, Jesus-honoring ways to affirm queer people. Condemning them is by choice, not by necessity.

The Christian racism against black and brown people isn’t about racial purity, economic vitality, or God creating whites superior, it’s about protecting male-driven white power.

The Christian assault and discrimination against non-Christians isn’t a quest for theological truth or religious authenticity, it’s about protecting male-driven Christian power.

Women, queer people, minorities, and non-Christians are a deep threat to male-driven power because each of them rightly seek the recognition and treatment of their God-given equal worth, value, dignity, and standing with white, heterosexual, Christian males.

See, Christianity has never truly been about repentance, moral integrity, truth, servanthood, or even Jesus. If it were, Christians would have very little time (if any at all) judging the world, forcing their faith, demanding privilege, and chasing after all the seats of power.

Instead, they would be totally consumed with repenting of their own sin, living in moral integrity, humbly seeking spiritual truth, serving humanity, loving their neighbors and enemies, putting the needs of others above themselves, and proclaiming the equal dignity, worth, and value of all people.

Sadly, for so many Christians, that is not their way, that is not their truth, and that is not their life.
Christianity became Christianity not for the cause of Christ, but for the cause of global spiritualized male-driven power.

That’s why, the moment a Christian grows beyond their usefulness to religious, powerful men they are called “woke,” backslidden, a “libtard” a “socialist” or “soft.”

The moment a Christian is also queer, they are demonized as a disgusting “sinner” in need of repentance and conversion therapy. Or at the very least, they are prevented from true service, leadership, influence, or real equality within their religious community.

The moment a Christian is also a woman, they are stripped of their true dignity, freedom, rights, power, and voice, and those that refuse to submit are belittled as “feminists, “bitches,” “emotional,” “ungodly” “helpmates” “lesser,” and “sluts.”

The moment a Christian is no longer a certain type of Christian or a Christian at all, they are quickly abandoned as “backslidden,” “rebels,” “reprobates,” “demon possessed,” “heretics,” or “lost.”

When you see the enemies, interpretations, systems, and politics Christianity chooses…

When you see what is deemed “infallible” versus what is deemed “symbolic” or “contextual”…

When homosexuality is labeled as a definitive non-negotiable, biblical “sin,” but Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount is framed as “woke,” “metaphor,” and open for debate, interpretation, and even dismissal…

When “love you neighbor” is turned into a guest list that includes only those who look, act, believe, and live as you do…

… it becomes all too clear, the end game of so much of Christianity is men being able to say what they want, do what they want, get what they want, control what they want, screw who they want, kill who they want, exploit who they want, and abuse who they want, all without consequence or condemnation, because God “told them so.”

Class dismissed.

– Chris Kratzer, shared with his kind permission

Wisdom Fragments

Insights, Others' stuff

Well ok, I admit that I’m really scrabbling to find new names for these ‘short bites’ collections, which, with this piece, are now thirty-nine in number! But fragments (of anything!) come in various sizes, as do these short paragraphs, so I thought I’d use that word as it captures that variety nicely.

Here we go:

We are all the authorities over our own humanity.
– John Pavlovitz

The church spent centuries arguing about who’s in and who’s out while Jesus kept eating dinner with whoever showed up.
– Beau Stringer

The …wounds that had nearly killed him were  gradually becoming a part of his history, not a limitation on his future.
– J. C. Jarvis, Nordland

The awakening needed cannot break through to their religious crusted mind
– Glenn Regular

The fact that you learned from your mistakes and deconstructed from man-made culty religion is awesome … and puts you leagues above the ones who haven’t. Welcome to the progressive subset of Christianity! We may be smaller but we value the message of Jesus and His examples over the Pharisaical religion and even the cult most churches have become.
– Carla

Dear Christians, Jesus didn’t ask for proof of work before multiplying loaves. He fed the hungry because hunger itself was proof enough.
– Ortinel

There’s a Religion-free Jesus that belongs to all of us
– Rob Cottrell

The Spirit does not make Scripture less authoritative. The Spirit rescues Scripture from becoming an idol in the hands of Religion. The Bible becomes a witness rather than a weapon, a window rather than a club, a testimony pointing beyond itself toward the living Christ. That is what Paul meant when he said that “the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”
– Glenn Regular

The negative comments [to someone’s joy-filled Facebook post] are typical of Puritanism. If you’re having fun; if you are happy, then somewhere along the line you must be sinning. And it’s their job to tell you that.
– Me

…a critical part – an important part – of deconstructing faith, is separating Jesus from Christianity[1]
– Rob Cottrell

It’s like how the phrase ‘the whole counsel of Scripture’ simply means that they ignore different Scripture passages from the ones you do… 😉
– Me

“The most offensive thing about the Father of Jesus has always been who he accepts, not who he rejects; who he includes, not who he excludes. Religion has always gotten this precisely backwards, and this is why the way of Jesus is a narrow way. Not narrow in the sense that it is accessible only to an elite few, but in that those who think themselves elite reject it by default.”
– Jeff Turner

Now, if you want to make a populace that is dependent on its leaders, that will do whatever its leaders tell it to do, what better way than to tell them they can’t trust themselves?
– Susan Cottrell

Something that inerrantists invariably fail to notice is that when they use their Scripture verses to battle your Scripture verses, all they are doing is to demonstrate that the Bible does in fact contradict itself, and therefore it cannot in fact be inerrant.
– Me

As per usual, I liked to see the good side of everyone, which often left me feeling somewhat let down…
– Adrian Cousins, Death Becomes Them, Kindle Edition, location 1898

“Through those pages [of aviation magazines – Ed], as I grew up, I began to absorb all the good things that aviation gives you – a sense of captaincy, a passion for science, and the importance of discipline, to name a few. And I became increasingly aware of an apparent paradox of aviation, one that becomes increasingly familiar to those few ‘artsy’ pilots who venture into aviation journalism. Flying is primarily about emotions, it’s driven by the sense of freedom, the beauty and majesty of endless landscapes, and things like watching the sunset at the end of a flying day. But you can’t just abandon yourself to emotion and forget about the practicalities (“Carb heat on!”)[2]. It’s a fine line to walk for me, my ideal pilot being part robot and part poet.”
– Eugenio Facci, Editorial, Pilot Magazine, May 2025

One day I was deep in prayer it was shortly after I lost my Sweet young baby Bluregard [a pet rat – Ed]. I was praying that God would let me see Blue again later, and he said “What kind of a father would I be if I didn’t allow that…”
– Jaime

“Pastor, can you please tell me why you neglected to inform me that tithing was required for my salvation the first time I walked into your church? I could have died and gone to hell because I wasn’t tithing!”
– Ross Canning

Time spent on reconnaissance is seldom wasted
– Field Marshal Sir Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington

You are under no obligation to explain yourself, justify your calling, or submit to the interrogation of a broken, bad-faith system.
When people or structures approach you with “gotcha” questions—not out of a genuine desire to seek truth, but to control, judge, or categorize you—the most centered, powerful thing you can do is refuse to play their game.
You owe no data to a system that only wants to use it against you.
– Bob Young

[The] problem with ‘repentance’, as my old congregation’s leaders used to describe it, is that it denotes a ‘turning around’; a 180-degree turn. Therefore if you repent twice in a row, then you’re going the same direction as you were in the first place. And so on for each successive repentance. Which is probably why many Christians end up covering the same ground over and over again without actually getting anywhere; without moving forwards at all…
– Me

I know what it’s like to be trapped in religious legalism, and I know what it’s like to be free. I know what it is like to be overwhelmed with lies you think are true, and I know what it’s like to discover actual truth. This is why I am so passionate about pushing back on the new wave of conservative extremism. I’ve already been there and done that, and I know that none of it actually works. The formulas and promises are attractive. They seem safe and secure to fearful people looking for control. But they don’t deliver goodness. The true fruit of legalism and behavior-driven religion is emptiness, pain, confusion, and death. They pretend to be salvation, but they deliver destruction.
– Christy Lynne Wood

No ruler should put troops into the field merely to gratify his own spleen; no general should fight a battle simply out of pique.
– Sun Tzu, The Art of War XII, 18

During an early morning walk I was amazed to see an elderly gentleman collecting his dog’s excrement and taking it home with him. Holy crap, I shudder to think what his other hobbies are!
– Alan Thackray, Viz Letterbocks

Footnotes

Footnotes
⇧1 Meaning the distortions that Religion has placed on His character
⇧2 An essential action which is part of routine en-route checks and also in preparation for landing

Come, Let us Worship and Bow Down

Worship

Despite all the current Progressive[1] ideas and questions ‘doing the rounds’ about whether Jesus actually wanted to be worshipped, and despite many other ideas too also trying to neuter the idea of bowing down in worship and submission to Jesus the King, I myself can think of no other place I’d rather be than worshipping at His feet.

There is a wholeness, indeed a holiness, in Jesus’s Presence that, for those whose hearts have the ears to hear and the eyes to see, is simply irresistible. Here is the Pearl of Great Price; here is a consciousness of the Presence of God which is as incomparable as it is genuine, as it is real. Even as I sit here and type this piece, my heart is full of worship for Jesus and full of gratitude for what He’s done for me – both 2,000 years ago, and also in my recent past right up to the present day.

At Jesus’s feet is blessing. At Jesus’s feet is understanding. At His feet are acceptance, forgiveness, total and complete peace, healing, reassurance, faith and above all, Love. The Love indeed, that will never let me go.

Why would I want to deny that, either for myself or, worse, for others?

No, I am a worship leader and I always will be[2], despite it being nearly ten years since I have played in a church, and despite it being something like eight or nine years since I actually led a worship meeting. And how I manifest it today; how I bring people into the Presence of God, is to put worship music tracks, that God asks me to use, onto my blog for people to worship along to. And I do this with an absolute certainty that God will use those songs to bring some of my readers into His Presence. Not everyone will be touched by the music; and not everyone will feel as if they want to go along with the idea either. But let me gently tell you that in His Presence is peace, healing and Love, if you will simply let Him minister to you using that music.

Even – and especially – if you have been badly hurt (as I have) by other Christians. Even if you feel like God has let you down. Even if you feel that He can never understand you, nor can He reach you in your place of need: know that He is here with me and He’s there with you too.

And so here is the beautiful song ‘Come, let us worship and bow down’, from the Christ for the Nations tape ‘The Lord Reigneth’, published in the UK by Harvestime as ‘Celebrate’.

Don’t let the source of the music put you off[3]. Yes, this was sung by essentially a Fundamentalist, Evangelical group (albeit some 40 years ago!). But the key to it is your heart. Let your heart use the music as a vehicle to help you transition into a consciousness of the Presence of God. He’s there all the time anyway; all we are doing here is making you aware of that, and enabling you to enjoy His Presence. Yes, enjoy His presence. That’s what humans are designed for; the Westminster Shorter Catechism suggests that ‘the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever’. The Hebrew Psalmists’ work is full of references to the joy of being in God’s Presence, for example in Psalm 16:11, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand”. There’s nothing wrong with joy; with enjoying God. Many miserable grey Christian killjoys would suggest that if you’re happy then you must be sinning, but in fact the ultimate joy is to be in God’s Presence. There’s just no place else I’d rather be.

For those whose hearts are turned towards Him, worship is a natural extension of a life lived in His Presence. Out of the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Right, time for me to stop blathering and give you the song. Lyrics are given below the track itself. I’ve also included another two songs: Be Exalted O God and Now Unto Him Who is Able, for your further encouragement. Into His tangible Presence we go…

Come, let us worship and bow down
Come, let us worship and bow down
Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker
For He is our God, He is our God
He is our God, He is our God

And we are the people of His pasture
And the sheep of His hand

I will give thanks to Thee
O Lord among the people
I will sing praises to Thee among the nations
For Thy steadfast Love is great
Is great to the heavens
And Thy faithfulness, Thy faithfulness to the clouds

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens
Let Thy glory be over all the earth
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens
Let Thy glory be over all the earth

Now unto Him Who is able to keep you from falling
And to make you stand in His Presence blameless and with great joy
To the only God our saviour, through Jesus Christ our Lord
Be the glory and the majesty, dominion and authority
For now and ever amen!

I hope this post has blessed you beyond anything you had ever imagined would happen before you began reading it! And it would not surprise me in the least if that has been the case!

Grace and Peace to you!

Footnotes

Footnotes
⇧1 The idea of ‘Progressive Christianity’ is an ill-defined blanket term supposedly describing a genre of Christians who are moving away from traditional doctrines and essentially finding things out for themselves. I’m not going to go into detail, if indeed such a thing were possible, but the entire concept is completely misunderstood by most mainstream Christians, even if only because it’s so badly defined. So please don’t be afraid of the term in any way!
⇧2 The gifts and calling of God are without repentance (Romans 11:29). This means that God does not change His mind about, nor does He withdraw, the calling, the gifts and anointing He places on one of His people. Even today, I could stand in front of hundreds of people and the anointing would be just as strong as ever, such is the power of my calling. I say this not as a boast – I am Autistic; I don’t do boasting! – but as a simple statement of fact.
⇧3 I understand from  a friend that Christ for the Nations are pretty much hard Fundamentalist, although I would be happy to be advised that I am wrong!

I Side with the Jesus Before Christianity and the Jesus Beyond Christianity. I do not side with the Jesus Of Christianity

Insights, Others' stuff

Jesus did not come to convince humanity that God needed to be persuaded to love. He came to reveal that love was the very nature of God.

A Guest post by Glenn Regular

When I say, “I side with the Jesus before Christianity and the Jesus after Christianity, but I do not side with the Jesus of Christianity,” I am not rejecting Jesus. I am endeavouring to distinguish between the Jesus revealed in the Bible and the many contradicting images of Jesus that Christianity has constructed through centuries of denominational interpretation, institutional traditions, theological systems, cultural assumptions, and human agendas.

The Jesus before Christianity is the Jesus who walked among humanity, revealed the heart of God, announced the Kingdom of God, and called people into a transformed way of living. The Jesus after Christianity is the living Christ who cannot be confined, controlled, or owned by any religious institution. The Jesus of Christianity, as often presented throughout history, is often a Jesus filtered through religious traditions, religious biases, rather than the Jesus who first reveals the unchanging characteristics of His loving Father.

The Jesus before Christianity did not come to establish another religious system competing with the religions of the world. He did not arrive with a blueprint for buildings, denominations, religious hierarchies, political influence, or institutional power. Of political dominance, He came proclaiming the Kingdom of God. His message was not about creating a religion called Christianity but about revealing a new reality in which humanity could know God as Father and awaken to their true identity in relationship with Him.

Jesus announced, “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news” (Mark 1:15). The good news was not just a religious transaction or a promise of escape from hell-fire punishment. It was the announcement that God was reconciling creation to Himself and that a new humanity was being birthed through Christ. Humanity was chosen by God before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, Jesus came to reveal what God is like and what humanity was created to become.

The Jesus before Christianity was not found among the powerful and religiously elite but among the broken, the overlooked, and the rejected. He touched lepers when others avoided them. He ate with sinners when others condemned them. He welcomed children when others dismissed them. He spoke with women when religious culture marginalized them. He showed compassion toward outsiders and exposed the hypocrisy of those who used religion to elevate themselves above others.

Jesus’ greatest conflicts were not with those who had no religion but with those who had turned religion into a barrier between humanity and God. He challenged the religious leaders of His day because they had confused knowledge about God with knowing God. They had Scripture but missed the heart of the One Scripture revealed.

Jesus said, “You nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition” (Mark 7:13). His warning was not against seeking God but against allowing human traditions to replace the living voice and character of God. Christianity can preserve words while losing the heart behind those words. It preaches doctrine while neglecting mercy. It can defend beliefs while failing to embody love. What transpired was that religion shrouded the realization that the rooted identity of humanity was in God before the worlds were formed, deceiving them that their identity was rooted in Adam, causing them them to think of themselves as being born fitted for hell.

The Jesus before Christianity revealed a God radically different from the god of Christianity. He revealed a Father who seeks the lost, restores the broken, forgives enemies, and loves without boundaries. Jesus declared, “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). The ultimate revelation of God is not found in human speculation but in the person of Jesus Himself.

The Christian gospel produces fear, hatred, exclusion, superiority, and condemnation must be questioned as to whether its adherents are seeing the God revealed by Jesus or a god shaped by human imagination. Jesus did not come to convince humanity that God needed to be persuaded to love. He came to reveal that love was the very nature of God.

The Jesus after Christianity is the living Christ who continues beyond every religious structure built around His name. Christianity may speak about Christ, but Christ is greater than Christianity. No denomination, movement, theological system, nation, or institution can claim ownership over Him. Jesus belongs not to a religious tribe but to humanity.

Paul wrote, “Christ is all, and in all” (Colossians 3:11). The risen Christ cannot be imprisoned within human categories. He is not the possession of one tradition, one culture, or one interpretation. He is the living revelation of God’s purpose for creation.

The tragedy of Christianity throughout history is that it has often attempted to protect Jesus by controlling Him. It has sometimes created boundaries around the One who came to break down walls. It has sometimes emphasized being right over being loving, defending doctrines over demonstrating compassion, and preserving institutions over embodying the Kingdom.

Jesus never said the world would recognize His followers by their ability to win arguments, defend religious systems, or enforce moral codes. He said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). Love was not a secondary teaching of Jesus; it was the evidence that His followers had truly understood Him.

The Jesus of Christianity, as often presented, has become a Jesus shaped by human fears and desires. Some portray Him primarily as a judge waiting to condemn rather than the Savior seeking to restore. Some use His name to justify political power, nationalism, wealth, exclusion, or division. Some make allegiance to a religious system the measure of faithfulness rather than a transformed life of love, humility, and compassion.

But the Jesus revealed in Scripture says, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice” (Matthew 9:13). He continually moved toward people rather than away from them. He entered places religious people avoided. He embraced those society rejected. He demonstrated that the heart of God is not found in separation from humanity but in God moving toward humanity in love.

To side with the Jesus before Christianity and the Jesus after Christianity is to return to the simplicity of His invitation: “Follow me.” Jesus did not say, “Build a system around me.” He did not say, “Create institutions in my name.” He did not say, “Defend my reputation through religious conflict.” He said, “Follow me.”

Following Jesus means allowing His life to redefine our understanding of God, ourselves, and one another. It means recognizing that the Kingdom He proclaimed is not built on fear but on love, not on domination but on service, not on exclusion but on reconciliation.

The Jesus before Christianity revealed the heart of the Father. The Jesus after Christianity continues to reveal that same heart to the world. The question confronting humanity is not simply whether we believe in Jesus, but whether we are willing to encounter the Jesus who stands beyond religious assumptions and allows Him to transform us.

The greatest challenge is not discovering Jesus. The greatest challenge is letting go of the versions of Jesus Christianity has created so that we can clearly see the Jesus who has always been there.

– Glenn Regular, used here with his kind permission

First Solo – Thirty Years On

Aviation, Personal
This entry is part 24 of 24 in the series Beautiful Destroyers
I commemorate the thirtieth anniversary of my First Solo Flight by reblogging this 2016 piece describing the great event!

Thirty years ago today, I flew my First Solo in a light aircraft, thus joining the ‘Fraternity of Pilots’, one of the select few people who has flown an aircraft all by themselves. This is a unique event in a Pilot’s career, indeed in a person’s life. It only happens once, and it is a flight I will remember forever. Here, then I reblog an article I wrote describing my First Solo, to try and communicate just how special it was.

Cleared for takeoff – here we go!

“…and I was being chased by at least three Focke-Wulf 190s…”

“What, in a Tempest? Couldn’t you just outrun them?”

“Well, no, it wasn’t like that you see…..carry on, you’re doing fine….”

What an honour, having veteran flying instructor, senior flight examiner and war veteran Rufus Heald have me fly him for my pre-solo check ride. This is the final check by a senior instructor, to see if he agrees with your Instructor that you are ready to take an aeroplane up by yourself for the first time – the First Solo. And what a real gentleman Rufus was, taking my mind off my nerves by regaling me with war stories – albeit stories about being chased by German fighters!

But I have to be honest and say that in some ways I kind of felt like I couldn’t wait to get him out of the aeroplane so I could go flying by myself for the first time ever. Rufus, if you read this, please accept my apologies, although I am absolutely sure you understand![1]

‘Any questions?’

‘Just the one, Rufus: if some clot decides to prang a Dash-8 [an airliner] right on the runway intersection, what do I do?’

‘No problem. Just follow the A38 eastwards all the way to Exeter, and land there’

‘Oh, ok, thanks.’ A sobering thought, that; if that happened, then my first solo would turn into my first solo cross-country flight, but fortunately that doesn’t happen. Good job too; I haven’t started my navigation training yet.

‘Right then, off you go and good luck!’

So, once Rufus had hopped out, it’s interesting to see how quickly the flying discipline comes in. Settle down, now; you’ve got to get this next bit right first time, there’s no second chances. Crumbs, this is scary, do I have to do this? Yes, you do; you’ll never be a Pilot unless you do this.

Right then, time to get cracking. Power checks: check clear behind, set 1,200rpm, check both magnetos on, brakes on and oil temperature and pressure (T’s and P’s) in the green, set 2,000rpm and check brakes holding. Select carburettor heat HOT and rpm drop within limits at less than 175rpm, also no rough running and select carb heat COLD and check the rpm recovers to 2,000, Mag drop right – 100rpm; mag drop left – 100rpm. Max drop 125rpm so within limits; difference between drops less than 50rpm (in fact they were the same) so that’s ok. Mags both on again, suction gauge showing 3”-5” vacuum, ammeter charging, T’s and P’s in the green, Idle check – close throttle, 700rpm, that’ll do, reset 1,200rpm.

Now pre-takeoff vital actions: Trimmer set for takeoff, throttle friction nut set, mixture rich, magnetos both on and master switches both battery and alternator on, pitot heat off, primer IS locked, fuel on and sufficient, flaps up, Instruments: Direction Indicator, artificial horizon, altimeter has the QFE set [pressure setting to indicate height above aerodrome level], T’s and P’s again, landing light goes ON and transponder indicating 7000 and set to Mode C, doors and windows secure, straps tight, carb heat recheck then select COLD, controls full and free movement. Call: ‘Golf Tango Oscar, ready for departure’. I know my Instructor, Tim, is watching from the Tower right next to the Air Traffic Controller, in case anything goes wrong and I need any help. Not that he can give direct help; I think that when flying an aeroplane by yourself, you are more alone, and beyond direct help, than you can ever be in any situation on earth. Another sobering thought.

“Golf Tango-Oscar, backtrack line up Runway 31”

“Backtrack line up 31, Golf Tango-Oscar”

Right, this is it, then. Brakes off, and off we trundle from the holding point onto the active runway, rolling along to the far end of the runway and then turn the Cessna on a sixpence to line up. The familiar sight fills my view: the runway stretching off into the distance, promising imminent adventure, exhilaration, concentration and the ultimate in achievement – that of flying an aeroplane in complete defiance of the gravity that has held our ancestors earthbound for so many thousands of years. But this time I’m on my own; there’s nobody sitting in the right-hand seat and I know that the next five minutes or so are the real beginning of my flying career – if I get it right. But surely Tim and Rufus wouldn’t have let me go if they didn’t think I was up to the task?

Without any delay, the Controller’s voice comes in over the R/T: “Golf Tango-Oscar, clear takeoff runway 31, right hand circuit, surface wind three-three-zero, five knots”. Good, that’s the wind more or less straight down the runway, then; no significant crosswind component. “Clear takeoff 31 right hand, Golf Tango-Oscar”. So, hold the aeroplane on the toe-brakes, power to 2,000rpm and check T’s and P’s in the green, then brakes off heels on the floor [so toes away from the brakes] and full power applied smoothly. Everything happens very quickly but this is what I have been trained for. Check full power: 2,500rpm, T’s and P’s in the green, airspeed building, keeping straight using the feet on the rudder pedals and looking for 65 knots and rotate and….”AIRBORNE! Wooohooo!” the shriek of pure delight erupts spontaneously. I’m flying an aeroplane all by myself for the first time ever and the only way I’m going to live through this is if I get everything right. That’s honestly what I thought, you know! Right, concentrate now, five hundred feet, after-takeoff checks: Fuel is on and sufficient, Engine T’s and P’s green, radio tuned to Plymouth and we’ve got our clearances, Altimeter has the QFE in, landing light stays on because we’re staying in the circuit. Crumbs this aeroplane is performing so much better; we’re at circuit height, 800ft, already and only just turned crosswind. Must be because we’re so much lighter with only one person on board. ONLY ONE PERSON on board and I’m flying an aeroplane on my own oh my goodness this is crazy right settle down and remember your training. Set 2,000rpm for 80kt at 800 ft. And you’re going to land in a couple of minutes so you need to do something about that. Right then, turn downwind, level now with the end of the runway and report “Golf Tango-Oscar downwind to land” Just the one circuit for the first solo. “Golf Tango-Oscar, report final”. “Report final, Golf Tango-Oscar”.

Right that’s him told, now let’s do the downwind checks. Brakes are OFF (check them), undercarriage is fixed down, (and now miming the actions) mixture is rich, fuel on and sufficient, flaps up, instruments QFE in the altimeter – and we’re a little high; must be the excess power – T’s and P’s are good, landing light is on still, carb heat check – no rough running – and then selected COLD, hatches and harnesses secure; yours? Oh, there’s nobody in the right hand seat, now isn’t that weird? Aeroplane feels empty…. ok downwind checks complete, runway in my four-o clock position, time to turn base.

So, a neat 90-degree right turn and now I’m on base, the last part of the circuit before my final approach. Immediate actions: carb heat HOT, power back to 1,700rpm and hold the height as the speed decays; we are already within Vfe [maximum flap extension speed] so flaps to 20 degrees and watch the nose come down. Establish 70kt and 500fpm descent and re-trim the aeroplane. Everything’s looking good except that I’m still too high; now at 900ft instead of 800ft. I know exactly why; it’s because I didn’t have the weight of the instructor aboard (how ‘bout that!) and so the aeroplane had excess power at 2,000rpm so she was climbing slightly. Anyway, never mind why, what are you going to do about it? Nothing for it but to select full flap; save that until you’ve turned final so you’re not trying to do too much at the same time. Don’t let the aeroplane get ahead of you; you need to stay ahead of the aeroplane all the time. Crumbs the workload is so high in the circuit; no wonder they use it as a First Solo test. If you can do circuits, you can do anything. Looking for 70kt on the airspeed indicator for the final turn; plenty of speed, nice and safe. Slow turns on final are what kills people.

So, lined up on final approach and the call, “Golf Tango-Oscar, finals to land”

“Golf Tango-Oscar clear to land runway 31, surface wind three-three-zero, five knots”

“Clear land, Golf Tango-Oscar”, so now it’s all up to me. Let’s have those flaps now: the full 30 degrees of flap come on and pull the power all the way back and she comes down not quite like a piano, but at least like a dive-bomber anyway. Adjusting the rate of descent with power and the airspeed with the nose attitude, this is precision flying at its best. It has to be if you’re going to arrive properly in the right place. Setting 65kt all the way down final, trim it up, nice and easy, coming down nicely. 300ft: pre-landing final check – Cleared to land, runway is clear, happy with the approach (although still a little above the glideslope, still, I’m doing all I can about that), carb heat goes COLD so the engine can deliver full power in a potential go-around situation. Crumbs I love this stuff. Over the hedge now, looking for 60kt but still a little high, we’re safe as it’s a nice long runway. Flare now, nose up and arrest the descent, aeroplane now just a few feet off the runway and hold her off as the airspeed decays, she sinks and Bump she lands but the airspeed is a little too high and so she comes unstuck again because she still wants to fly and I don’t blame her, but re-establish the hold-off and add just a trickle of power to slow the rate of descent so she doesn’t come down like a safe and Bump she’s down again but this time she stays down. “Golf Tango-Oscar: six out of ten for the first one; seven for the second one”. Cheeky so-and-so; I’d like to see him try and do what I’ve just done. Still, Tim most likely put him up to it anyway; sounds like a Tim comment. “Congratulations, well done!” That’s more like it. I’ve just fulfilled the dream of my entire lifetime and as you can imagine I’m feeling pretty good about it. I am now a Pilot; granted I haven’t got my licence just yet – that is still more than nine months away – but it means that I have just joined that very few select people who have flown an aeroplane by themselves. I am now a member of the ‘Fraternity of Pilots’, and nothing will ever be the same again. The feeling is indescribable and I can tell you that it took approximately ten days for the delighted grin to disappear from my face.

To commemorate my first solo, Tim gave me a certificate to mark this milestone event. And because I flew my first solo on the ‘unlucky’ day of Friday the Thirteenth of September, 1996, and I am so completely and totally unsuperstitious, I asked Tim to annotate my certificate accordingly. Here it is:

As you can tell, that flight is etched indelibly on my memory. They say that you never forget your first solo; twenty years down the line and I can attest to that as a fact.

I know this article is a bit techy, but I wanted to put across as realistically as possible what goes through a Pilot’s mind as he is flying, and also to try to share some of the feelings of concentration, discipline, training, exhilaration and panic that the first solo entails. I hope you have enjoyed it.

Here is a video of a young student pilot doing her first solo. Listen out for her comments, like ‘Holy shit, I’m flying an aeroplane on my own!’ Having read my article, perhaps you can appreciate that a little more easily! This is a great little video which gives an intimate insight into flying a light aircraft solo for the first time. Enjoy!

Header image shows me and my son David departing Bodmin Airfield on 2nd May 2009 in my favourite Cessna 152, Golf Tango-Oscar, the aeroplane I flew my first solo in.

There’s an interesting backstory here. I had to get my Pilot’s licence signed by a senior examiner, and we didn’t have one of those at Plymouth Flying School at the time. So I’m thinking, like, Ok, David, let’s go flying at Plymouth and then drive from there to Bodmin to get my licence signed by Phil the Chief Examiner. Hey, hang on a minute, I’ve got an aeroplane! Why not just fly to Bodmin and take my licence with me? So that’s what we did. First time I’d done a landaway since my solo cross-country qualifier in 1997, and the first time I’d ever done a landaway at Bodmin [apart from some touch-and-goes in ‘97 when we had to go to Bodmin because weekend circuits were banned at Plymouth. I was converting onto the PA-28 Warrior and needed some landing practice in one]. It was the warm welcome we got at Bodmin, combined with a great first impression of the airfield and its surroundings, that decided David to do his flying training at Bodmin with Cornwall Flying Club, and then for me to move to Bodmin as my home airfield when Plymouth Airport closed.

The photo shows me performing a classic textbook soft-field take-off: full power, ten degrees of flap, stick right back to get the nose wheel off the ground early and craning my neck to see forward over the cowling. Aircraft gaining speed, looking to lift into ground-effect at about 50kt or so and ‘fly’ about three feet above the runway allowing the airspeed to build to 65kt at which point we rotate into the climb attitude for the climb-away. It all went really well, too….

tango-oscar-at-bodmin-2nd-may-2009

Footnotes

Footnotes
⇧1 Sadly, Rufus passed away a couple of years ago. On the plus side, I am good friends with his son, Nigel, who owns the RV-9A aircraft that I fly 😊

Reblog of “Book Review: ‘Trusting Doubt – A Former Evangelical Looks at Old Beliefs in a New Light’ from seven years ago

Insights
This entry is part 39 of 41 in the series The Problems of Evangelicalism
It’s interesting how transferring my blog articles to Substack has brought this to light…

Some of you will know that I have been gradually adding my older blog posts, from my WordPress blog, over to my Substack blog.

In the process of doing this, I have had many interesting opportunities to read blog posts reflecting what I thought at the time (well, obviously they did! 😂) and having a chance to compare the way I thought ‘back then’ to the way I think now.

This blog post I am reblogging here, I am doing because although I have really been laying in to what I see as all the faults of Evangelicalism, still I recognise that the vast majority of the individual people in Evangelical congregations are simply honest, loving, kind and gentle believers whose hearts are turned towards the Lord, and who follow Him with all their hearts. And I have periodically expressed the sentiment, too, that my ‘beef’, as it were, is not with the people (or most of them at any rate) but with the ‘system’.

And seven years ago, although I had not articulated my problems with Evangelicalism as extensively as I have today, still I had problems with it. But even then, I appreciated the good people that are in that faith, and this article has reminded me of that, and indeed that I have always felt like that.

And so here is the review of a book that delivered a scathing criticism of Evangelicalism, and indeed even tried to destroy not only the fakery of some people, but also the genuine, real faith – and its foundation, Jesus – in a storm of surprisingly, well, ‘mean’ prose. Nasty stuff. I’ll let you read the review now, because the words I wrote back then were much more immediate and my near-indignance comes through really well; indignance at the way the author tried completely to shred the faith’s credibility based on criteria that I did not agree with, not even slightly.

Ok. Over to the Tony of seven years ago:

I recently reviewed a book on Amazon, “Trusting Doubt: A Former Evangelical Looks at Old Beliefs in a New Light” by Dr. Valerie Tarico. (I have recently shared some of Dr. Tarico’s work on this blog, here).

I have to say that I didn’t like the book, and this is reflected in my review. In some of my own work, even though I might well present a dark picture of modern Christianity and even of some of its practitioners, I always nevertheless try to mitigate that darkness by giving a hopeful counter-argument of some sort. If this book produces such a counter-argument, then I did not read far enough to find it; I could only read about a third of the way into the book before I gave up for the sake of my own sanity. Also, bearing in mind that I feel like I am presently going into another ‘Dark Night of the Soul‘[1] (which is nowhere near as bad as it sounds!), if I had gone into such a Dark Night after having read this book, there’s a fair chance I wouldn’t have come out the other side in one piece 😉 Actually, that’s not true; it is God Who carries the believer through the Dark Night (Ps 23:4, Is 46:4, Phil 1:6, Jude 24) but I still I think I have made my point.

I would also say that I do not consider that my incipient Dark Night has influenced my perception of the book. As a scientist, I am well used to viewing things dispassionately and without letting my preconceptions influence my impressions.

Anyway, here is my review, for what it’s worth. It’s presented more or less verbatim from my review on Amazon (with a few extra bits added after further thought):

“Trusting Doubt: A Former Evangelical Looks at Old Beliefs in a New Light”

– by Dr. Valerie Tarico.

I really wanted to enjoy this book, and having read some of Dr. Tarico’s articles on her blog, I looked forward to reading something with some substance and containing interesting, thought-provoking and ultimately upbuilding ideas. However, while I appreciated the clarity, forcefulness and honesty of Dr. Tarico’s arguments, I have to say that there is little to like in this book.

There are a few welcome episodes of dry humour, and a couple of ‘lessons learned’ where, despite the dark and hopeless conclusions she reaches at the end of most chapters, she does manage to salvage a few gems of wisdom and learning.

But, otherwise, the book would be more suitable for those who already believe There. Is. No. God. ; for those seriously considering leaving the Christian faith (and this book would indeed convince you to do so); or for Goths.

After a reasonably upbeat introductory section, the book rapidly goes downhill faster than a well-tossed anvil.

While Dr. Tarico rightly tears into the presuppositions and conflicting assertions of Evangelical doctrines, such as infallibility of scripture, original sin and the inequalities (racism, sexism and other prejudices) expressed in the Bible which are also enacted in today’s society by many Evangelicals, she also examines the rightness and ‘goodness’ of Jesus’s miracles, and even manages to conclude that because Jesus did not heal everyone, that in actual fact his miracles were cruel (she uses that actual word) because not everyone got healed, even if it’s just because they didn’t happen to be there as Jesus walked by.

Wait, what? Really??

Many of the author’s arguments against God being good are based on the premise of what would I do if I was God, which I’m not, and neither is she. We cannot presuppose that we know best. I have to say also that not all the arguments are based in correct axioms nor in logical presuppositions. I am not going to provide examples, because I don’t want to go back into this book again to find them, for reasons which will become clear.

There seems to be an underlying bitterness that everything in the world is not good, or, at least, a bitterness that Christians appear to try to explain away the fact that shit happens and life is full of it. In actual fact, however, everyone with half a mind asks life’s big questions, and nobody, not just the Christians, has the answers. So you can’t blame Evangelicalism for that.

Apart from a few upbeat anecdotes like ones about her grandmother, and even that story she then tears to pieces, there is nothing to rejoice about in this book. Even the good is denigrated and life is portrayed as empty, dark, bleak and hopeless.

I have to say that I got about a third of the way through the book before giving up in despair. The nihilism is simply soul-destroying, if you believe in the soul anyway. I am an upbeat, optimistic and positive person, but at the end of each chapter I felt like going off and drinking myself into oblivion, something I would never normally contemplate. Or maybe piling my car into a very solid tree or concrete wall. Except that my airbags would save my life. Damn.

At the end of every chapter, I thought, Oh well this must get better, after all I agree with a lot of what she says, so let’s keep reading. But no. The darkness and oppression are relentless. There is no place in this book for joy, no place for happiness, and even the spontaneous, joy-filled and free laughter of my severely disabled daughter watching something funny (in another room) seemed totally out of place in the presence of the cloud of darkness that seemed to emanate from this book.

There is no mention of life’s joys, the good things, the light, the scenery, people being nice for the sake of it, kindness, love and laughter. There is no mention of the tremendous good that Christianity has brought into the world, yes, along with all the horrific things it has done as well. The fault-finding of God in this book is unmitigated by any mention of his benefits. Indeed, it is as if the entire picture of God in this book is based entirely on the faulty image of Nasty God as espoused by the Evangelicals, and it doesn’t move on from there but stays down in the dumps. Instead of saying ‘Look the Evangelicals believe in this nasty God, BUT….’ , she instead goes on to explain why God, if he exists, is horrible just as the Evangelicals say, but giving her own reasons based on the bloodiness of nature and that life deals in crap on a daily basis.

No, this book is simply the apparently logic-based ranting of someone who has been damaged by Evangelicalism – as have I – and has gone on to get the qualifications and experience to be able to write an authoritative declamation against Evangelicalism, which undoubtedly deserves it!

But for those who want to see how someone else has approached the deconstruction of faith and come through, well, I didn’t get that far in the book so I don’t know if it has a happy ending, in terms of something solid and hopeful to take home at the end of the book. This book appears to have been written by someone in Fowler’s Stage 4 in the Stages of Faith (Google it) and has not yet come through to Stage 5. Like I said, the book may come through, but I can’t stand to read any more of it. I’m not afraid of logic; I am a professional scientist. I’m not afraid of deconstruction; I have gone through it myself. But it is possible to deconstruct one’s faith without destroying others’ hope too, something this book is more than capable of. But I also want to have a life, and I am not going to waste any more of my valuable time on reading this book of misery. Who would want to do that?

At the very least, the author could have given maybe a sneak preview. Like, hey, it all produces good stuff in the end, you’ll see. But in order to survive to that point, the earlier parts of the book need to have a little more upbeat stuff in there. Or maybe it does not in fact reach a good conclusion; maybe it stays dark all the way through. The occasional touch of humour, while welcome, is simply not enough to hold the reader in a place that is positive enough to encourage the desire to carry on reading. If you think things will get better, you might as well stop reading, because they don’t.

I gave this book a fair chance. I will be removing it from my Kindle, and cheering myself up by singing Python’s ‘Always look on the Bright Side of Life’. While still nihilistic, that song manages to put a funny and even positive spin on it. This book does not.

I did decide to give the book another chance, and actually dipped into later parts of the book to see if I’d misjudged it; to see if it does indeed get better later. It doesn’t. For example, the chapter on feeling the Presence of God, and how widespread it is amongst all types of churchgoers, I though would be great. Dr. Tarico begins the chapter on such a high note – like saying, ‘Look, folks, you believe you have a monopoly on God, well, you don’t, because other Christians feel that Presence too, no matter what their denomination’. And this is extremely admirable. But then it all gets shot down in flames as these ‘feelings of God’ are apparently essentially some sort of illusion or, I gathered, wishful thinking. Such a shame – but then I suppose it would appeal to some people who want ‘permission’ to deconstruct. But there is such a finality about each or Dr. Tarico’s conclusions that gives no room for further spiritual progress, at least in any mystical sense, and at least without having a whole raft of rational stuff to fight through. People in later places in their faith walk have learned to hold in tension the logical with the mystical. Neither stance gives a complete picture of reality, so to discount the mystical as illogical (which actually it isn’t; it’s irrational, which is a different thing) is to miss out on a whole slice of life.

I have actually gained something positive from reading the third of the book I did read. It’s this: up until now, I have had difficulty seeing the points of view of Evangelical Christians since I have moved out of their fold. Reading this book, however, has given me a new appreciation – because of the omission of this point from the book – of all the decent, honest and upright people in the Evangelical church, despite their mixed-up thinking, terrible ideas and their stifling, grey dogmatism. In contrast to this book, they really don’t seem so bad after all.

One final thing. If you are contemplating suicide, or if you are prone to depression, then in all seriousness, I strongly advise that you DO NOT read this book. It may well push you over the edge, figuratively or even literally.

“Trusting Doubt: A Former Evangelical Looks at Old Beliefs in a New Light”, by Dr. Valerie Tarico, is available on Amazon both as a paperback and as a Kindle eBook. The eBook was priced at GBP£7.46 at the time of writing. The link to the book is here.

 

Footnotes

Footnotes
⇧1 That Dark Night is the one that I described in my series here.