Here’s the third in my set of testimonies from friends; testimonies that highlight the failings and indeed the evils of Evangelicalism, but without judging, without naming and shaming, without anything like that. All I’m doing is presenting stories that have been given to me as facts. I leave it up to my readers to hear what the Spirit has to say to the churches.
This heart-rending piece is by Nathan R. Koppe, and includes the header picture he used in his social media post. I’m not going to comment on it; if I did that it would spoil its effect 🙂
To my former religion,
You told me I was wretched, unworthy, that I needed saving from hell.
You said I was covered as long as I was a child, that God was not so cruel as to send a child to this place but once I reached an age that you ambiguously determined, that I was accountable, and I was in danger of hell fire for eternity.
You told me I was born in sin and it was my responsibility to rid myself of it to become acceptable to God.
You said I must become sorrowful for being human and having human urges and characteristics.
Your remedy was to beat me down to humiliation, usher me to water baptism, then find some way to get me to some state, evidently with lots of screaming, shouting, crying, telling me what to say to God.
I saw loved ones wrestle for years to reach this mysterious state, living in fear of hell, until you were satisfied that they had rattled something off that didn’t resemble their spirit
You told me this was my only hope of not being tortured in hell forever.
You could never give me a satisfactory explanation of how a God who is Love could allow this to happen.
It was one of those issues that was swept under the carpet without a logical answer.
You told me this was the only way to be saved and the rest of the world was lost.
Then you imposed standards, with a bar so high, nobody could reach, yet you threatened me with hell if I didn’t conform to them.
This instilled fear, that I could lose this salvation by not living up to these requirements, kept me awake at night and gave me nightmares and depression.
I lived in constant fear.
I tried. I tried and failed.
I tried again and failed, again and again, and you accused me of being rebellious, ungodly, and that I just wanted to sin.
You condemned me when I fell into addiction and drove me to suicidal thoughts, as I ploughed through my life and the lives of loved ones, trying to quiet this fear with which you plagued me.
You blamed me for my horror, and called it conviction and God “dealing with me”
I know in my heart that you thought you were doing what was right for me, but you were wrong.
I do not blame you. I know you loved me the way you were loved. However, I needed more Grace than you offered.
I needed a more loving God.
Deep in my soul I knew He was not the one you were presenting to me.
I’m thankful for the years I struggled with you.
They have brought me here to this place, where I am today.
I know I am loved by God and His grace covers every part of me.
I know He loved me the same when I was at my lowest as he does at this moment.
For all these reasons, I had to leave you.
It breaks my heart, but today I know I was deceived, because you were deceived.
Perhaps we won’t see eye to eye in this life, but I am confident, there will come a time, when all has been restored, when we will…
in the Body of Christ again, built on the very cornerstone that forms our foundation of our belief that God really is unconditional in his Love…
Yes, there is even Grace for you.
 – Nathan R. Koppe, shared with his kind permission.
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